I Didn’t Need More Discipline—I Needed Self-Compassion

How self-compassion changed the way I set goals—and myself.

When I do a quick Google search about New Year’s resolutions, what mostly comes up is tips for how to stick to them, ideas of what could be your resolutions, and some pretty bleak statistics about how few actually stick to them. This blog isn’t any of those. It’s about the one thing that finally made change sustainable for me—and it wasn’t discipline or motivation.

I was never one to really partake in New Year’s resolutions, mainly because I was the type of person who would “start again on Monday”—no matter the context. Whether it was my workout routines, or “diet” (the main 2 culprits), whatever! It didn’t matter. I was constantly fluctuating between going all in and crushing every goal I set, and completely giving up the moment I couldn’t do it perfectly. So I didn’t need New Year's resolutions to keep me in that cycle… I was keeping myself plenty miserable, regardless of the time of year!

Until the fall of 2024. And yes—I know this is 2026. Stay with me; it comes full circle.

In 2024 my husband and I hit some pretty low lows. His cancer returned (twice that year), our marriage was struggling, we moved and were adjusting to the changes, traveling out of state for higher levels of care, graduating grad school… It was a lot. But through all of these difficulties, I learned one of the most important lessons in my life so far, and that is the necessity of self-compassion. Self-compassion was a wild concept to me prior to this year. What do you mean to show myself grace? For what? I didn’t deserve grace. I remember even telling a therapist once “grace never gets me anywhere”. Ha!

But then one afternoon, while I was out walking, and my husband was recovering from his surgery, I had a literal come to Jesus moment. The fact that I was out walking, in the middle of what was a beautiful day (it didn’t feel beautiful at first), was such a gift. I realized that because of my health, and my body functioning the way it was designed to, I was so fortunate. And all those times I took a posture of punishment towards myself, my body, and my goals were so misguided. 

In the past, when I set out to run, and could barely do a mile, all I’d focus on was what a failure I was for not being able to run more. And when I would self loathe, well you can guess what came next; giving up, saying screw it, engaging in self destructive behaviors until I became so frustrated and disgusted with myself, I’d shoot for the stars on Monday again, swearing it would be different this time, but no progress was ever made. 

As all of this was becoming clear to me, I realized that grace and compassion for myself really was my missing piece.

So you know what happened next?

The gratitude I felt for the walk turned into a little bit of a jog. I didn’t go far, and I didn’t go fast, but I jogged about half a mile. I was totally out of breath, yet I had a different experience with myself. Instead of focusing on how little I jogged, I focused on how I jogged a half mile more than I did a few minutes ago. The real tragedy would have been not jogging that half mile at all. Changing this perspective allowed me to thank my body, which was so much more life giving than shaming myself for not going more.

I returned back to the hospital to spend the rest of the day with my husband feeling like a new woman - literally. A woman who just experienced the difference between loving herself and hating herself. The craziest thing was that the next day, I went out for a little walk again, and was actually excited to try jogging again! That never happened. I jogged closer to three quarters of a mile. And again, instead of focusing on how I “didn’t even make it to a mile”, I focused on how I ran three quarters more than I did before, and more than I did yesterday.

So as 2024 wrapped up, I was running here and there. Sometimes twice a week, sometimes only once. Some weeks I didn’t run at all, and other weeks I ran every other day. There was no real pattern, but that didn’t matter anymore. I wasn’t chasing perfection. So when it came to New Year’s, I thought, hey, maybe I actually can set a New Year’s resolution… And I did - to run twice a week. And guess what? I stuck to it! It was nowhere near perfect, some days I still struggled to finish the distance I wanted, but all of 2025 I actually managed to run consistently. Not only that, but I did my first 5k on Thanksgiving! And I didn’t even have to stop once! It was a beautiful year of practicing gratitude for myself and experiencing real progress, physically and mentally. 

So now, as 2025 ends and we’re fresh into 2026, I’m ready to tackle some more resolutions. I’m genuinely looking forward to another year of growth and showing myself even more gratitude. So that key factor to sticking to New Year's resolutions? I believe it’s self-compassion. Not perfection, not incredibly high expectations, not self punishment… Just self love. Gratitude for the strength, capability, all that you have and all that you are right now in this very moment. 

What I learned through running is something I now see constantly in my work with others—especially when it comes to change that actually lasts.

If you’re like me, and struggle with the idea of loving yourself and having self compassion, I’d love the opportunity to work with you. You are not designed to live with shame. We all have the right to be valued, but sometimes we don’t get that birthright met. Some of us grew up in environments where value was earned; whether through accomplishments, grades, taking on responsibilities beyond what is age appropriate, etc. And if we don’t have someone who made us feel inherently valuable, this can show up as toxic shame later on in life. The good news is you don’t have to live that way anymore. Through mindfulness exercises, self compassion exercises, and more, you can learn to love yourself - and stick to those resolutions!