Getting Unstuck
We’ve all been there- times where you just feel “stuck.” It feels impossible to change. Your motivation and hope is so low, and it doesn’t look like you’re getting out of this rut anytime soon.
I was recently in one of those seasons. As much as I wanted to get back into the gym, walk regularly, and pour more into my work, I just couldn’t do it.
After having many seasons of feeling stuck, I’ve learned an important lesson. It’s a hard one, but I believe it can make a big difference.
Well I guess I’ve actually learned 2 lessons. The first is that these seasons will always come back! And that’s not meant to be debilitating, but rather a normalization of a human experience. We are just never going to be 100% on it 100% of the time. But if seasons of stuckness come back, that means seasons of thriving will, too. And that’s why I love the quote “Be patient with yourself. Nothing in nature blooms year round.” How true is that! The beautiful colors of spring and fall would never happen without the dead of winter. So seasons of stuckness are just part of life, which means we can learn how to prepare and navigate them better.
The other lesson I learned when you’re stuck is that’s the time you need the most self compassion and grace for yourself. We, of course, need compassion and grace for ourselves all the time, but I’d argue that you need it even more when you’re stuck. Shame does not produce change. This is something that is talked about a lot in couples counseling. When we want something different out of our partners, a sure way to NOT get that change is to shame your partner. It’s no different when it’s your own self that you want to see change out of. Grace for self is the true impetus to change, and that’s why it’s needed more than ever during a time of stuckness. Beating yourself up for when you’re feeling down and stuck is just going to keep you there. So instead, paradoxically, slow down. Compassionately, and curiously, explore what’s keeping you stuck. And although you’re probably very ready to come out on the other side, you can’t rush yourself out of a stuck season. Your body is trying to tell you something, and it’s your responsibility to tune in and listen. That patience, compassion, and grace is what will provide the momentum to “get back to it.”
If you’re wondering about a small change you can make starting today, my first thought is to take a look at your sleep patterns. I believe that wellness exists when you’re tending to self care in all areas of your life, including your physical self care and sleep hygiene. If you’re staying up too late, scrolling on your phone up until the minute you go to bed, or going to bed/waking up at different times every day, this could be contributing to that feeling of being stuck. Sleep is one of the most important parts of health, and your mental and emotional health can suffer if you’re not getting proper rest. If you’re feeling stuck, and don’t have any sort of bedtime routine or a time you put away your phone before bed, make that small change today. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated or fancy, and in fact, I’d even recommend starting your bedtime routine with something very simple. If you try to overcomplicate it from the beginning, chances are you’ll get too overwhelmed with the routine and won’t stick to it. Pick one thing to start establishing a bedtime routine, and “master” that before adding anything else. Some easy things to start with might be a quick stretching routine, reading, journaling, drinking tea, or even finding a skincare routine you enjoy doing. Another quote I heard from a coworker back in my teaching days was “If you don’t pick a day to rest, your body will pick it for you.” Rest can feel the exact opposite of productive and helpful, but it’s sometimes the most productive thing you can do for yourself.
We all end up getting stuck for different reasons. Sometimes it’s a way to escape feeling painful emotions. Or sometimes it’s perfectionist tendencies overwhelming you and keeping you “stuck” until things feel “perfect.” Sometimes, it’s just a natural response to a difficult life change. Whatever is keeping you stuck, I’d love to support you in getting out of your rut and learning from the experience so that the next time you feel stuck, you’re more prepared to deal with it and get out of it.