I misunderstood what my 20’s were going to be about. When I graduated college at 22, and entered the “real world”, I felt lied to. Anyone else? I thought our 20’s were supposed to be the best years of my life. So why then, was everything so hard?

When you entered into your old marriage, you brought certain expectations into the relationship. Some of these expectations were explicit, meaning you had talked about them directly. Some examples of potentially explicit expectations include how you were going to divide up finances, if and when you’d have children, or where you two are going to live. However, you also came into the marriage with “implicit” expectations. These are the unspoken expectations, and they actually impact your marriage more.

The pain goes away when the codependent learns boundaries, lets go of whatever is out of their control, grieves when needed, learns to understand what is their own responsibility in life, actually feels their feelings all the way, and most of all finds the courage to unapologetically be themself. It is not selfish to care for yourself first; in fact it is the least selfish thing you can do for those you care about.

Ok ladies, gentlemen, partners of ladies - if you haven’t read this, or added this book to your “must read” list, please do so! I finished this book in just about a week, and learned more about my body, messages about sex, and just sex in general then all my education put together! Which honestly, is just sad. Poor education about sex isn’t just a disservice to women, but really to everyone. This book busts myths, educates, and reframes unhelpful thinking patterns about sex that really do have the power to transform your sexual wellbeing. Like the other books I’ve written about, it’s a challenge to summarize all the good parts - the whole book was the good parts!!

But if we can develop a habit of looking for the opportunities we have to take back a little bit of control, we can handle our circumstances much more effectively. However, this is a big shift internally. Changing these thought patterns can be really difficult to do. Especially for those of us who have deeply embedded messages in our head that we don’t have control and never did have a control. But it’s a good thing that therapies like Cognitive Behavior Therapy exist! You can absolutely learn how to shift your mindset and daily living to a more proactive approach to life instead of reactive. If this is something you’re interested in exploring more in therapy, reach out to me today. We can learn to challenge old thought patterns keeping you stuck.

We simply cannot do any of the things we are involved in well when we’re trying to juggle too many things, so we need boundaries in order to be able to give our best to others… I think one of my favorite parts of reading this book was walking away with a very simple definition of boundaries: Boundaries are where others end and you begin. Once you’re able to define that space, you have the freedom to own it and do whatever you want! It’s literally like a white picket fence. Within your fenced in yard, you can do whatever you want (unless you have an overbearing HOA of course, but I digress)! And it’s so much fun and freeing to make your yard and space alllll yours. You can have that same experience every. single. day. with meaningful and accurate use of boundaries.